Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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