Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
