my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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