Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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