so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
