you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
