There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
