i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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