shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
