Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
