omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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