Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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