Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
send nudes
from the living room?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
