Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
