Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
