Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
