I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
