Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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