I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
