I just made out with a guy for $7.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
