I can't watch pbs sober anymore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just blew my weed a kiss
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
