hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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