Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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