and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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