I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
