I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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