They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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