Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
