she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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