She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
