I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
