I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
