I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
