everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
