wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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