She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
