he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
