Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
