my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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