I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
