I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
