My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
