I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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