Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
