Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
