i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
be right there i have to get my cape
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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