Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize