I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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