Tell her she can't have a vagina
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
