Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
