well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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